The hope / disappointment continuum
If you've ever been trying to conceive for a period of time, I'm pretty sure you'll understand this.
It's how disproportionate the scale of disappointment is compared to the teeny, tiny, minuscule amount of hope you allowed yourself to feel in thinking that this month might be the month.
(Incredible illustration from my talented sis in law Gen which captures my mood perfectly!)
You know how it goes ...
The month where you prove the doctors wrong.
The month where you can finally be the one to share your good news.
The month when you can genuinely be excited.
The month where you can stop trying so f*cking hard and just look forward.
The month where your life has a plan and a purpose.
The month that sets you on the path to complete your family.
The month where things just start to get better.
My life is good, it really is. I'm happy, finally, in myself. But I'm missing something. And I so desperately want that something to happen.
This month I did allow myself a teeny, tiny bit of hope. I tried something different, The Stork Conception Kit. Maybe a bit more hope than normal. But it didn't work. Nothing ever works.
(Look at how excited and hopeful I was!)
Anyway, I allowed myself to ride that disappointment for two days. Two bloody long, crappy days. And, if you're on this journey too you'll get this, of course that's usually accompanied with the most intense period pains you think you've ever felt, so you just generally feel like crap. But now I'm over it. It wasn't the right time.
A bit about The Stork. It's basically designed to keep the little swimmers inside you for a longer amount of time, to improve your chances of conceiving. It's a bit fiddly initially but it's easy to insert from a female perspective and I can definitely see how it could help move things along if you're trying to conceive. I'd recommend it if that's your situation.
So I'm not giving up hope. I'm still hopeful and know that disappointment is part of the package, but hopefully at some point it will be me to share my good news.