Choosing an egg donor and how much thought to give it!
So ... how do you pick the person who could end up being the biological mother of your child?
I've never thought about this in the context of a 'biological mother'. Writing that down is quite scary and makes me feel a bit sad. I've only ever used the language of egg donor, which feels less personal, I suppose.
The people that I've spoken to about this have said that once the baby grows inside you you forget about the fact that it wasn't your egg. This is your child. So I'm hoping that's true.
As for the selection process, I really didn't want to overthink it. I felt like the more time I spent analysing profiles, digging into medical histories, reading bio's and so on, the more weight I gave the fact that it wasn't my egg. Don't get me wrong, I obviously made sure that her medical history was sound and that her features and colouring were similar to mine, but I made the decision pretty quickly and without too much effort.
So what do I know about her? She's 21, she has fair colouring and blue eyes. She has a bachelor's degree (not that I remotely care about that!), she loves reading and is a bit of an introvert. I've seen photo's of her as a child and can see some similarities with me and my little one, Beatrix. My contact at the egg donation, Lara, said that she is LOVELY. I was concerned about whether she'd be ok during the process being so young and Lara reassured me that they are very hands-on with all donors but especially their young ones. She also let me know that the egg stimulation and collection process is much less stressful for donors than it is for women going through IVF, because they're less attached to the outcome. That makes a lot of sense! Hopefully she is fine and has a good experience. We obviously don't get to meet her as the whole thing is anonymous but I'll be forever grateful to her if she helps us to have a child.
If anyone has any questions, please ask! More than happy to share what I've learned so far.
Love Phoebe x